youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
