I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
