The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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