I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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