Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
