Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize