I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
