Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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