he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
