I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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