I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drake has all the answers
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
