no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
