i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
