My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
