Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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