I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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