I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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