how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
