atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
