Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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