I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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