Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think my vagina is haunted
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
