Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
