There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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