Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
