You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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