yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
