I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
