If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
