I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
