I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
