I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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