i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
