dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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