One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
