Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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