They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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