I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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