you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
