Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
