Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
