so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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