I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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