So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
