he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
