Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
