You can't special order awesome
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
