During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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