Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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