***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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