Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
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Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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