Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize