btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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