I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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