Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
