spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm just crazy horny about you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
