i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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