Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
