never play flip cup with pint glasses
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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