I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
