i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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