Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Girls should come with a carfax report
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
