So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
