Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
