There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
